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Dear StarBright...I have been deeply attracted to man for over 3 years now. Have you ever heard of speaking with your eyes, I know this man deeply like me, and would possible like to be with me. The problem here is that he is a priest. I did not know this when I met him since he was wearing street clothing at the time. We connected immediately.

We have had this song and dance between us for 3 years, nothing spoken bit a hand letter I wrote him telling him how I felt. The funny thing is that even though he tries to keep his distance from me, he quotes me on his web site, talks with me friends, and my daughters, but will not speak to me. I am having such a hard time letting this go, I feel it deep inside(our connection) and I cannot move pass this. I believe strongly that he is my destiny. Any advice hear??

Dear EJB

Yep, I got some advice........do not try and take this any further!

He is a PRIEST!!

It doesn't matter what you feel, or what you think he feels, he isn't up for grabs. If he wants to leave the priesthood and get with women, then fair enough, but this is a move he has to make. You shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with a priest, it's just wrong.

This dance as you call it has been going on for three years, this is along time and he is still a priest, take the hint, move on and look for a man that is available. Maybe he likes to play with you on a subtle level because he knows he can't really have a relationship, either way it is a dangerous route to take because you could end up getting hurt or just thoroughly embarrassed.

Some lessons don't need to be learnt by ourselves for us to actually learn the lesson. Think very wisely. :0)

Dear StarBright...

I'm going through a really troubling and confusing time and could use some vision and clarity.

I am still in love with my ex boyfriend. Although I know that at present, we cannot be together. We both have some growing and healthy development to undergo before we can give to eachother 100%. He has anxiety and some other personal problems which I know he must conquer in order to be ready to be in a happy healthy relationship. No matter how much I try to remind myself of these things, I just cant seem to "get over him." I've lost interest in other men, in dating, in physical relationships... I just plain don't care about them. This is not to say I do not try to date and meet men, I do, very much so but my ex is just so very very different- we connected on a soul level. I feel silly saying/feeling all this but now that we are apart, I feel like Ive lost a part of myself I cannot regain. To top it off, none of my friends understand... I can explain my hurt and sadness but all they can muster is the old "plenty of fish in the sea" or "move on"

cliches. I feel alone, sad, guilty for not being able to care about another besides my ex. I feel completely unplugged from the universe and indifferent. The ultimate rub is that whenever I run into my ex, he seems the same as I do, maybe thats just my imagination or wishful thinking but in a way I just sense he misses me too. Not exactly the growth that was supposed to happen for either of us when we parted.

Please help StarBright... I feel so desperately alone.

Dear Sad

Despite you know you are doing the right thing by being apart from your partner now, the pain of separation is really hard for you.

Don't be too hard on your friends. They are not you and they are not part of the relationship you had, so it will be really hard for them to really understand or try and understand what you are going through emotionally, especially if they are not empathetic.

This storm you are going to have to weather, because you know without going through this difficult time, there is absolutely no healthy emotional future for either of you if you want to get back together.

The separation has been very dramatic and traumatic for you and your feelings are overwhelming, but it won't be like this forever, the pain will ease and you will heal from the hurt. I suspect feeling as if you are alone and not being able to talk about how you feel is making the process worse.

Your ex may be feeling the same as you, but what are you going to do?

Get back together at this stage where the necessary healing has not been done and ruin the relationship again? No, you have to do your emotional and spiritual work, both of you.

It is probably a good thing at the moment that you can't connect with another potential boyfriend. It sounds like to me you need to reconnect with yourself and start to focus on yourself and rebuild yourself. You and you partner sounded like you were one unit and now that you are not together, you feel completely loss and miss him like a part of your body. You sound so dependent on your existence or identity through him, so now you have split, you feel out of sorts.

Having somebody feel like they are apart of you is great, but you are always a whole person without them, or you should be. What you are feeling is understandable but all it means is that you have to do the work to get back to yourself, get back to realising you are a whole person and can survive without being emotionally tied to somebody else.

Be gentle with yourself through this process. There will be many times you feel like you miss your ex to the point of distraction, but don't let this side rail you off the tracks to emotional healing, it is just a part of the healing, accept it.

Make a commitment to heal and grow form the relationship and your experiences, it is the only way forward. Try and create some space between you and your ex if you can. Seeing him all the time at this stage will interfere with where your focus should be.

You have had a very special connection and will always have a special connection, but not necessarily a relationship if it isn't meant to be. If you are meant to get back together, it should only be after you have both done whatever necessary healing is needed.

I hope you get through this difficult time with as little sadness as possible. You will feel happiness and even joy in your heart eventually, but only if you do the required healing and growing.

Believe you can heal and that things can get better. :0)

Dear StarBright...

I just wanted to say thank you for selecting my question and taking the time to write a deep and thoughtful response. I will meditate on what you said and hopefully some day I will be able to look back and say that both he and I grew into better people from this trying time.

Thanks again for your help *hug*

P.D. I realize I sounded a little harsh toward my friends... I just want to clarify that I love them and appreciate their support always, even if they can't entirely relate to the pain. I know they are doing the best they can. Aren't we all? =]

Hello again Sad (not so sad now I hope ;0) )

Thank you for the thank you, you are welcome.

Trust, one day you will be able to look back and see how you grew into a better person and hopefully this will be the same for your ex boyfriend. It is nearly impossible to believe in your present situation, because you are right in the middle of it, but that bright future is very possible.

Don't worry. You weren't being harsh with your friends at all. You were just saying how you felt they were acting towards what you are going through. Just a little lack of understanding where they are coming from, not harshness. They will probably surprise you with some kind of spontaneous support by just being friends, like a nice distracting girls only shopping trip or a night out on the town, or a good old gossip session. It may not be understanding the deepest pain in your heart, but these things your friends can do will help to bring you out of the heaviness of your pain.

I think you'll be just fine in the end. Hug back at ya! :0)

Dear StarBright...

When will I get my money. Will I always be gay or will I have sex with a women??

EA

I am not a fortune teller, so I don't know what money you are talking about or whether you will get it or not.

As for the sexuality issue. Do you want to be gay or heterosexual?

Or do you want to be bi-sexual? You could have sex with woman, that's easy. The question is, will you enjoy having sex with a woman and be able to share a loving lasting relationship with a woman. The last bit a lot of heterosexual men can't even manage to do! lol

I believe you can be born gay, due to having more of one of the two hormones testosterone or estrogen in your body and maybe some other biological factors. You can be conditioned into homosexuality, or you can choose to be homosexual. You will have to find out which category has bought you to being homosexual so you can either change it or accept it and be at peace with it.

There is so much confusion with some people's sexuality in western culture. I don't actual believe that heterosexuality is the norm for some cultures because there is a dispassionate amount of gay people in some countries and cultures than others. European males and descendants of European males tend to be far more likely to be "naturally" gay than any other culture. In fact in ancient Greece, it was quite normal and natural to be homosexual. Men married women only to breed, but their love relationships were with other males, younger males and boys to be more precise. All this was mostly practiced in the gymnasiums...sounds familiar? There is a whole history behind it, I won't go into it as I will be the moving away from your issue, but it is a fascinating subject.

So, to be gay or not to be gay? That is the question.

I have never been in any confusion about my sexuality, so it is hard for me to really understand what you are going through. Being heterosexual is the easiest thing for me (despite most men being a major headache, hehe) I haven't felt like anything other than heterosexual.

I think what may help you is finding out what you think about being gay. Do you hate it? Do you fight against being gay? Are you gay because some people think it's cool, you like the gay scene, you are scared of females, etc. Ask yourself as many questions as possible.

You may want to be with a female because the people closest to you don't agree with homosexuality.

The big question is are you sexually attracted by women? If not, there's your answer. If you are still in a state of contusion, just stop being anything for a while. Be celibate for at least 6 months or year if you can manage it and clear your sexual aura.

If you want to be with a woman, be with a woman, but don't be with a woman because you are trying to run away from being gay, this isn't far to the woman and will only make things more confusing for yourself.

I you feel you are really gay, as in naturally gay, I don't think you can change that. I have heard of people who say they have been gay and now they are hetro, but this feels to me like some kind of a natural switch. I have also heard of people doing a special programme to become heterosexual and claim they have stopped being gay. I think if you are gay and you try and force yourself not to be, then I doubt that will work.

You are going to have to get really honest with yourself and what ever the answer is gay, straight or bi just accept it. Being a good person is more important than your sexuality.

Best of luck with finding the true answer! :0)

Dear StarBright...

I am going through some turmoils lately and feeling more intensely overburndened right now by all the things i have to do for my family.

The number of people needing my help is increasing everyday and lately it is kind of too much. I have never lived for myself but at the moment I feel so stretched and so heavy. Parents are there to help their children but how to you open the eyes of your blinded son to the reality of choosing wrong partners?I know - my questions make very little sense; just needed to share and to let my worries to the universe and the spirit of the planet. Thank you very much.

My Dear Anetka

I am so sorry to hear about the pressure and burdens you are having to deal with as regards to your family. I don't know exactly what kind of situation you are in, as in you financially provide for all family members or not and you live in a country where you have to do this, if so, this situation is going to be hard to break away from if the economical climate of the country is that one has to do that to survive.

I don't know what a person can do in this kind of situation except make sure everybody is doing their bit whatever bit that is. For example, if you have to go out and earn money to support your whole family then the family should be doing everything else, house and home responsibility, spiritual and emotional care, etc. I hope you are not working outside the house and working in the house and doing everything else in between. You have to set some new ground rules to be sure that everybody else chips in and pulls their weight, so you don't end up doing it all.

As for your son. If he is old enough to make the decision to have a partner, he is old enough to deal with the decision if it turns out to be an error. One thing a parent can't do is stop their children from being with somebody they don't think is suitable for them. If they are determined to be with that person, they will be. It is natural for you to want to protect him against troublesome relationships. As long as you have voiced your opinion on his decision and given him as much advice and guidance as you can, then you have done your job.

Everybody has their own life to live, their own mistakes to make, their own triumphs to achieve. You can't live their life for them.

Let go and let God.

You need to take some time out either way. Don't loose yourself in all that you do for others. It is commendable to do for others, but you need to do for yourself as well. Give some time to yourself and find out who you are and what you really want to do in life. If you have anybody you can talk to or share with, please do this. You owe it to yourself to do this and you owe it to the universe.

You deserve a life just as much as the family members you are sacrificing your own life for.

Sending you love and support. :0)

Dear StarBright...I'm at crossroad of my career and my love life.

Before I remembered to log-in to this website (which has always been my favourite) I took a plunged and quit my job without having a new one yet. I didn't feel no regrets, and wished I had done it long ago.

I stayed on in the beginning because I needed a very demanding job to take my mind off my fiancee who had suddenly left me without a word.

For the past one year, I had endured verbal abuse and humiliation from my lady boss, despite of what I've contributed and had done for her

company. Please, I need your insights and your wisdom to guide me

through this difficult times. Thank you and God Bless.

Dear EV

Hello and god bless your lovely self too. ;0)

Don't feel too down because you are already on the right track by leaving a job where your boss is abusive to you. She sounds outrageous, but I hear about a lot of abuse and bullying at work, it is more common than we think.

Your fiancee that left without a word, that sounds rude at best and very worrying at worst. Where did she go? Have she vanished or just didn't have the manners to split up with you properly?

It sounds like you are going through a rough patch that needs you to take stock. When things look bad, they force us to take action for ourselves, they force us to change, they give us an opportunity to grow and be a better person. This situation is one such time for you.

You are free of a person who isn't right for you and you bravely left a job, without another one in place, that was getting you nowhere and not utilising or appreciating your talents properly. This is all good even though it looks all bad.

Your lesson to lean here could be that you have to stop letting people treat you in such a disrespectful and unworthy way. Your ex fiancee has shown you this and so has your ex boss. If you learn this lesson, then you should move into the future thinking more of yourself and standing up to people who may think it is perfectly fine to treat you in such a way again.

This time is difficult because it requires a realisation and after that, real action and then an adjustment, or things will repeat themselves, with the same kind of people coming into your life. You want better and you deserve better. Process all that you are feeling.

Remember how these two people made you feel and make a vow to never be treated like that again or feel like that again.

There are better people out there and better times for you to have, heck totally wonderful people and totally wonderful times to have!

You are going to make it through this time and I hope with flying colours!

Blessings to you. :0)

Dear StarBright...I have experienced delays in getting a project completed that is very important to me. It seems like every time I manuever around another obstacle, yet another appears that must be taken care of. Help!

Gryffindell

This just means that the time isn't right. The universe is delaying because it knows the best time for this to work. If you are doing all the right things and as much as you can to get this project off the ground and despite all your efforts it still isn't working out, trust me when I say the divine universe is delaying for a reason.

For me I have always found this kind of situation quite comforting (and of course slightly frustrating at the same time), because as long as I am confident I am doing everything in my power to bring about a goal and working as hard as I can and it still isn't happening, then I know the result won't be because I wasn't doing enough, it juts isn't the right time or my time or eevn if it is meant to be.

Keep going, keep working towards the project, but don't get exasperated by not achieving the result that you have envisioned.

Keep and open mind as to how it could turn out and be flexible.

Good luck! :0)

Dear StarBright...

I'm feeling a bit lost and confused at the moment and people don't seem to understand me.

I'm in job which is ok. But I feel bored and unfulfilled and I have a nagging feeling that I could be doing so much more with my life... I feel stuck. Yet I have to no idea what I really want to do...

Also I have been single for ages. I sometimes wonder what's wrong with me! I seem to fall for men and tell them how I feel but they never seem to feel the same way about me. I'm happy enough by myself but it would be nice to have someone to share my life with.

Thanks for listening Starbright. Any response will be appreciated. :)

Hello SA

Don't worry, the lost and confused feeling comes to most of us at some point. It is a good opportunity to take stock and see where our life is and where we really want to go. You are not stuck and you are never stuck, so never feel like this. Feeling stuck is a state of mind, not a real situation. The feeling is understandable, but you have to know that it is yourself that is making yourself feel stuck.

Your circumstances do not control you. You can reach beyond them and you are always free.

What you are doing in your life you are not meant to be doing, this is why you feel bored and unfulfilled. What you are doing probably has no meaning to you, so that nagging feeling you are getting is your soul trying to wake you up to this fact.

It is your responsibility to find your bliss in your life. Find out what you want, what you like, what makes you tick, what excites you, what inspires you, what creates joy in your heart. I'm going to sound all matronly now ;0)..... but it's just not good enough, past the age of 18, to say "I have no idea what I want to do with my life." Why don't you have any idea what you want to do with your life? Are you denying yourself or hiding from yourself? You must have some kind of idea what you want to do with your life, even if you thought you couldn't achieve it.

Being single for ages isn't a bad thing. It is better to be single than be in a relationship that isn't a good one. But, if you do yearn for a partner, I know that the feeling can be quite influential to how you feel on a day to day basis.

Right now you are demotivated and apathetic. Being like this probably isn't attractive too most people. Some people can pick this up, even if you are behaving like you are happy. You say you want to share your life with somebody, but reading from what you wrote, you don't sound like you have much of a life that you like yourself nevermind anybody else. I'm guessing there wouldn't be queue of men wanting to share a life with somebody who doesn't think much of their own life.

The time has come for you to really sort yourself out. If you don't do it now, you will be feeling lost and confused until you do. Life should be about living not existing or just surviving, although at times all one can do is survive, but this should only be a temporary state.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are fine. You need to sort some things out, but you are not strange, you are like a lot of people who live in a western culture where spirituality is so far down the list of things to achieve (unless it comes in the form of a book, DVD or expensive course) that it hangs off the page. Note what you want to change in yourself and your life, but also count your blessings.

Don't focus on what is missing or what is wrong.

Embrace this confusing time and go get your life! :0)