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Week 12, 7 July 2008
As long as he has chosen another over you, stay away from him. His choice
makes him no soulmate for you - not at least in this lifetime! He cannot
have his cake and eat it too! Right now he is manipulating you for his
benefit and that doesn't make him look much like a prince charming now does
it? There is another soulmate out there who deserves your love much more and
you deserve much better than being second choice!
Bountiful Blessings! Elle
Dear B
Leave well enough alone! Keep clear! You have better coming and you surely
deserve better!
Bountiful blessings!
Elle
Dear AriesWriter,
It seems that nowadays it's almost impossible to get by without a GOOD agent
and even then, you'll need a huge dose of right-time-right-place good luck.
I know a few writers in France (one a prix Medici) and in the USA... it
seems easier in France to be published somehow- there are even small elite
bookshops that will publish an author... and marginal, underground
publishing seems to work too. As they say over there, "If you can't get in
through the door then go through the window." whereas in the U.S.A. it
doesn't seem so easy... and even more difficult for screenplay writers... I
am pleased that your nonfiction is keeping the bread on the table; it seems
that you should keep your eyes and ears open in that milieu... I feel that
the agent you need would come from there, having something to do with a
newspaper and that the first work published will be taken for nonfiction and
create a big "to-do" with a snowball effect in your popularity... just a
feeling.
Bountiful blessings!
Elle
Dear Nancy,
It's not time to give up... if you are breaking even even with difficulty at
this point in time what with all the recession noise, gas prices, etc...
hey,that's better than many are doing with 20 year-old businesses! It seems
that you should gather your team together and tell them that all told,
things are looking good but that you are considering going back to work on
the side to ensure a little safety margin... They don't really realize where
you are coming from nor "where you are at" - tell them, give them a
pep-talk...Thank them for what they have already done; talk about your goals
and how, if they invest more effort , they will reap more benefits. Have you
considered making them limited partners so as not to have to pay work-men's
comp? Or using an employee leasing company as a payroll service for your
payrolls (even with employees that you find without the service) so that you
won't have to bear the burden of the payroll bookwork? Next year already
looks better according to many US and global economists so hang in there if
all you stand to lose is time and effort and not more money... it would be
ashamed to give up when you are so close to succeeding if only everyone
would pitch in and invest a little more effort!
Bountiful blessings!
Elle
Yup Robert!
The Mum talked "some sense into her head" about how we can't pay the rent
with love. The fact that you are going to university has changed things a
bit already, hasn't it? I am sorry but she doesn't deserve your devotion
right now because she is more interested in how well you are climbing the
social and financial ladder. Nevertheless, if you persevere, become well off
and elegant, you could very well woo her back and then marry her (maybe even
after she got married and divorced!)...she may even grow back into the
mindset of love-first. Personally it seems that her mother is teaching her
to abandon ship if and when the going gets rough so before proposing you
should have a talk with her about the duties of a spouse... which includes
rolling up her sleeves whenever the need arises! So get to work on improving
your knowledge of English, etiquette, art, music, architecture, history,
wine, gourmet dining and making LOTS of money... travel to exotic places
whenever you can and send her a postcard or two from each place... with
something that will knock her (and her Mom) for a loop... Like:
"Greetings and bonjour from Bordeaux... the allied bombings during WWII
D-Day have made this region an eclectic sampling of architecture with
beautiful vineyards in lieu of suburbs... on my way to La Rochelle I tasted
genuine French sturgeon caviar with the most delightful local sparkling wine
that could compete with many a Champagne. Now I am on my way to see a chapel
designed by Matisse. Wish you were here to enjoy all this!
Your devoted friend,
Robert"
LOL
Frankly I hope that while you are endeavoring to win back your belle, you
will find a love to make all others faded and pale... the odds are that it
is exactly what will happen and that is just what your ex and her Mum will
deserve....
Then again, that's just me rooting for justice and your happiness.
Bountiful blessings!
Elle
Dear Lisa N. S.
The world of swingers is a superficailly happy go lucky one with underlying
deep unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Many men like to say, "All men are
pervs" as in perverts. The thing is, they know they are not absolutely
looking at their fantasies face-on; they know that it is a bit "off". Many
have their fantasies and keep them in an unreal world in their minds
uniquely for their arrousal... or like movies, magazines or books. Sometimes
they enjoy it if their wife plays the role of another woman... Whenever we
do ANYTHING if your inner voice tells you to avoid something or when danger
lights are flashing then you must head for the door! Did you know that
dating and making love to a woman is like fishing for some men? Such men
aren't looking for a soulmate, they are looking for a slave- be it domestic,
or sexual... there is no love there on their side and only heartache for the
woman. That is how pimps enslave as well... slowly reeling his prey in to
more and more deviant and devious activities until she will do it with a
stranger for money: all for his "love''. She will begin making excuses for
what she does and even try to be proud of it. Don't think I am speaking
theory. I am far from being a prude! Very far. Moreover, I have spoken
one-on-one with many a woman just as a psycho-analist would do when I was
living in Paris, France... (over 36 years) when I was an English teacher for
diplomats, tycoons, unskilled workers, spies, secretaries, princes,
superstars, and call-girls. I have been in castles and clubs, where you
could not imagine the goings-on, when I was a special event musical director
and artist manager and I could observe without participating or having to
judge.There was no love there- pure emptiness prevailed and a frenzy to try
to fill the void with nothing that could satisfy... forever more and more
into self-destruction of every sort with empty laughter and many tears. You
my dear are a young catch. Run toward the light and don't let such illusion
soil your beautiful body and soul!
Bountiful blessings! Elle
Dear TS,
The only commission jobs that are good are the ones that you don't really
need to count on and that you can do from home in your spare time!
Otherwise, it is like gambling and it can lead to extremely long hours for
nothing in return. I get only flashing caution lights here! Selling cars,
houses, cosmetics, or anything else are feast or famine jobs depending not
only on your talent but on the country's economy and pure luck. If you can
negotiate a minimum wage with set hours, along with commision, you've got
green lights.
Bountiful blessings!
Elle
Dear bp,
There seems to be a bit of a hang-up although I can't quite get what. You
both need to be checked in that field without wasting a moment so that what
could be temporary would not become permanent. There are things that you can
do as well: make sure when your ovulation is and that your position is the
one that permits the deepest planting of the seed. There are many other
factors that must be considered as well... for both of you- so get at some
research! You are most likely to succeed!~
http://www.gettingpregnant.co.uk/vaginal_lubricants.html
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/getting-pregnant-ways-to-improve-your-fertility
http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Pregnant---Is-Getting-Pregnant-After-Ovulation-Possible?&id=1063960
http://www.gettingpregnant.co.uk/lifestyle.htm
DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY, AND ENJOY!
bountiful blessings! Elle
Oh Tara!
At your age your love is so complete and so strong! You cannot possibly imagine that it is just the beginning and that you are in a learning phase so I guess I won't go there.  ........
Boyfriends at that age are very rarely as mature as their girlfriends even
when the guy is several years older! Just make sure he cannot learn too much
at your expense! Young guys have their dorky silly moments, even when they
are basically good guys. During such moments they often make huge mistakes
that they will be ashamed of and regret for the rest of their lives,
especially if they manage to drink alcohol but they don't even need that to
get suddenly stupid and lie to their buddies about a girl they really like
for example. Then, they don't know what to do or how to save face. They
don't realize that the only way to do it is to face the music and admit
their mistakes. That is a huge act of courage that most are not ready to do.
Your boyfriend is just learning right now, so he would probably like to get
acquainted with other girls... he is trying his wings even if he genuinely
likes and respects you. You will have to accept that going steady doesn't
usually last very long at your age. You can keep him as a friend if you tell
him that you think you both are not ready to go steady but that you'd like
to stay his friend. Good luck in life. Don't worry and enjoy it. Life is a
classroom and we never stop learning. Stay careful but have fun!Bountiful blessings! Elle
Dear Aunty Elle...
Hope third time is a lucky one for me. I am currently in a bit of unsettle situation with my ex. We broke up a year ago but since then we sort of engage in a casual relationship. We sort of stop when we went on a 3 month trip, although we briefly met in Spain and we had a fling again... although this time was not only physical connection but something more (like we used to be). Now he has come back from his trip, we saw each other, and he tells me that he does miss me and even thuogh he is funny with the word love, he recognises he still have strong feelings for me.... and in general misses my company although he is also happy with what he is doing now. I felt a deeper connection this time, his actions say one thing but his words others.... he tells me he does not believe in marriage even though last year he was considering to propose to me without me pushing him towards that.... and he does not want to have children either... he is not sure if that's a feeling he will have always or will change but he knows those are important to me, hence he does not feel like is a good idea to engage in a serious relationship as we were. In general, my heart tells me he will come around.... but of course I am scare to get hurt again waiting for him....as I can only love him but can not manipulate his mind about the fears he has with commitment and love. Is he the one for me? Or I should just let him go for good and stop seeing him until my love is transformed into something I can handle and live with seeing him as a friend? These men who treat women like Kleenex don't deserve our love or even affection. You can give him your affection if you like... but when it comes to love making... you can tell him that the next man who you give your body to will have got down on one knee to ask you to marry him and be the mother of his children! You know, that is not the kind of thing one can say to a man when dating after meeting him the first time! Men used to know those rules and look for "easy women" at first and then marry a "nice girl". They still had it all wrong back then but these days it is not so easy for any woman to get men to stand up to the base... Men get an idea of a woman right off the bat and it is difficult to get him to change it once his mind is set- the only way to get him to change his mind ( and even this does not often work) is to shock him into thinking "Hoo! I must have made a mistake about her!". So you can try that if you can be happy with him and get him to be happy with you without sex- until he proposes... personally, I feel you should turn the page and totally close the book and even throw it at him  but I
also feel you don't want to hear that. You deserve a man who is not JUST out
for a good time... rather, you deserve a one-woman man who is out for a good
time with his soulmate for ALWAYS, and who has the courage to want to love
you forever. That is why I prefer online soulmate seeking: because you can
let men know UPFRONT who you are looking for and what you expect! I said
that I was a one-man woman looking for a one-woman man, and sending a
message in a bottle out onto the cybersea to find him: my soulmate who will
want us to be best friends, allies, lovers -husband and wife forever and
always. You cannot say THAT on a first date! LOL So when you are ready, that
is what I advise you to do: search for the man who is searching for you!
When I turned 52, my concerned daughter and her husband got me an i-Mac;
they subscribed me to a few sites; my son gave me computer lessons and I
began chatting on a forum that was on an Angelina Jolie fan site to try to
help an actor friend of mine. YOU don't need all that practice! Your
soulmate is not that nearby either, I feel. I was 9000 miles away from mine
at the time although we were born in the same county! There are many sites
out there and many guys who are looking for a fun fling at any age. Some,
never get married nor can face any responsibilities unless the law forces
them to! Anyway, I went on quite few of those sites and paid none... I found
out that on a Christian one, the guys were often not so "Christian" nor had
honorable intentions... on another one, I was so out-of-the-box that when
they chose my matches for me, there was no harmony at all! I like mate1
because it's free for the ladies... must be the Scottish in me LOL or the
idea that when a man knows that HE has to pay but NOT the lady, then SHE is
not so desperate! Men often interprete women's actions as needy (when
they're not) enough as it is! So I suggest that you choose your site
according to how you feel about it. Look at the photos of the women on the
site. If they are mostly scantily clad, then the site is not for you. Listen
to your inner voice. Put your best foot forward and no sad stories please.
Now for your profile. Be truthful and charming. If you have a sense of humor,
use it. Don't forget to include all the things you like to do, that you used
to like to do and would like to do again... and then say that you would also
like to discover and learn new things in the future. Make it VERY clear that
you are looking for a HUSBAND with whom you can be best friends, lovers,
travelling companions and allies for a lifetime, facing the world and
everything the future has to offer together. You get rid of the guys with
wrong intentions if you are straightforward. Then start looking; pick and
choose while waiting for the One to show up. First choose the general
aspects he MUST have... then look at ALL the photos that have been sorted as
FAST as you can! Eliminate every man who you wouldn't want to hold you in
his arms. That is not only your taste but also your intuition at work! Now
start reading profiles and do the same. You can feel: green light, red
light... don't think or make excuses! You can feel a good heart, shyness or
lies...better than you would imagine! Eliminate! Now choose 12... Enjoy
getting to know them. Tell them the truth, that you're getting to know a few
other men as well and that you really like him and his..wit/kind gentlemanly
attitude/elegance ...etc. Little by little, these men will show their true
colors. Moreover, some that you didn't see will also contact you. If you
like one, fine, if not, gently let him down. When it fizzles with one and
he is no longer in your favorites, check out the newcomers that meet your
criteria and find out if you meet theirs! Some will just be fooling around,
others are not for you but... one day all these nice guys will seem to fade
and you will have eyes for only one who is becoming more and more vivid in
your mind's eye and present in your heart. If he has been faithfully writing
(by the way never send more than one message for each one of his- this needy
thing turns guys off- they often get it wrong but let's not confuse anyone
OK?) then let him know that you are losing interest in everyone except him.
This is scary for him in spite of the fact it is what he wants. So just wait
if he doesn't answer... and if STILL doesn't answer, start all over. He
might write when he sees you're not... er ...running after him LOL Otherwise
find the wonderful man who is deserving of your trust and love by keeping at
it! Then, if he is willing to move mountains to meet you, it's an excellent
start at last ! (YOU must not be the one to do all that!) and don't let him
string you along for sexy chats or e-mails... that is another trap not to
fall in! Better than going to a bar or the town picnic, right? You'll find
each other! Enjoy the ride in the meantime!Bountiful blessings! Elle I really need some insight.... I am happy when I am with him and I know he shares the same feeling about me.... Thanks a lot, I hope all my rambling made some sense. MSC
My dear marvelous MSC!
Oh! You deserve so much more! Please do not fool yourself, he can never be a
friend... what kind of friend would play with a friend's heart and make her
so bound that she sits waiting for crumbs from him while he can go to as
many "restaurants" as he likes! He is a spoiled little boy not ready to be a
real man, I am afraid...and you are paying way too high a price for his
atitude! Whether he realises it or not matters little, if he doesn't realise
the effects of his behavior,that makes him only slightly less cold hearted
anyway! I have seen so many wonderful, devoted, loving women wait years (10,
15, and as long as 25) for the men they loved to grow up, only to see their
men pick up and leave suddenly to get married and found a family with other
women!
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Dear Aunty
Elle... I am so in agony over a present relationship situation. The man tells me
he is in love with me but has chosen another which he tells me is because of
circumstances that he can not share with me at this time. He asks me to please
try to understand and he said that he knows in his heart we will reunite and be
together again. He tells me that he misses me imensly and he asked me to stop by
his house the other day to which again he repeated his love for me and to please
understand that this is the way it has to be at this time. People have told us
that we are soulmates as we think of each other all through the day and can tell
when the other is in need of the other or just needs to hear the voice. We are a
good fit and he knows it as he has said it so many many times. He told me I am
what he has been looking for his entire life. I am just so confused and torn
over all of this and don't know what to think or what to do. Please can you get
a feel for this and help me to understand what is going on and what I should do
with myself?
Dear Robin,